Posted by Your humble webmaster on January 23, 2002 at 10:05:32:
In Reply to: I'm back - where is everyone? posted by Ezekiel 25:17 on January 17, 2002 at 00:02:01:
And ye it was written that on the 15th day of the 12th month in the year of our Lord 2001 and one that the great Webmaster who labors so hard that the voice of the prohet may be heard was stricken by three protruding and herniated disks in his lower lumbar spine. Yea and there was great crying and gnashing of teeth and yea he was taken to an emergency room where he learned that they could not do anything for him except torture him further and knock him out with powerful narcotics. And yea he was very displeased. And yea he prayed and prayed. He was discharged from the hospital and it came to pass that he arrived home but lo he could neither stand nor sit and yea his website went to crap. And yea there were no new therapists listed in the counseling section and everyone was sad. And yea he could not even look at the development of the conversations in the forums. And yea he could not transfer his system over to the system that he had e-mailed the prophet about and there was great crying and gnashing of teeth and we were very sad. But low with all the prayer and diligent exercise and great gnashing of teeth he began to recover and the Lord is to be praised because he can now sit for moments and there was great cheering.
: Ye it was written, that after 36 days and 36 nights, the great prophet shall returneth and reawaken the faithful and faithless - Ezekiel Book 2 Chapter 7 Verse 13.
: I see this board has been a hotbed of activity since my last message :)
: I guess I get the privilege of kickstarting this new year.
: There will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth and there will be much smiting if we are all feeling lucky.
: 2002 is a year of many omens and portents coming into fruition.
: "Ye the great leader will be struck down with bakery products upon the sofa of power." - Ezekiel Book 2 Chapter 12 Verse 5
: Obviously, we can see how this has already come true. What few realise is the chain reaction that can come about as a result of a simple pretzel. Already legislation is being debated by the Senate in regards to banning pretzels from being allowed onto commercial airplanes. Pretzel making countries around the world have found their only source of income drying up and workers are beginning to express their discontent. Islamic Militants have started secretly stockpiling pretzels. Neighbours are spying on each other to attempt to see junk food each person is consuming and so forth.
: From this: we can safely predict the world will be coming to its conclusion sometime around the middle of April.
: How can I be sure of any of this? Because Almighty Dave told me so, and I believe in Almighty Dave.
: Prove it you say?
: I don't have to, its up to you to prove I'm wrong :)
: Besides, I'm pretty sure I heard Almighty Dave say that he's never wrong.
: What can we do to prevent this?
: Well, it wouldn't hurt to start sucking up to Almighty Dave now before he rains pretzels down upon us. Cheese sandwiches are another option.
: Basically, I suggest you sit back and enjoy the view. Its not often we're lucky enough to see armageddon :)