Posted by Ezekiel 25:17 on January 17, 2002 at 00:02:01:
Ye it was written, that after 36 days and 36 nights, the great prophet shall returneth and reawaken the faithful and faithless - Ezekiel Book 2 Chapter 7 Verse 13.
I see this board has been a hotbed of activity since my last message :)
I guess I get the privilege of kickstarting this new year.
There will be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth and there will be much smiting if we are all feeling lucky.
2002 is a year of many omens and portents coming into fruition.
"Ye the great leader will be struck down with bakery products upon the sofa of power." - Ezekiel Book 2 Chapter 12 Verse 5
Obviously, we can see how this has already come true. What few realise is the chain reaction that can come about as a result of a simple pretzel. Already legislation is being debated by the Senate in regards to banning pretzels from being allowed onto commercial airplanes. Pretzel making countries around the world have found their only source of income drying up and workers are beginning to express their discontent. Islamic Militants have started secretly stockpiling pretzels. Neighbours are spying on each other to attempt to see junk food each person is consuming and so forth.
From this: we can safely predict the world will be coming to its conclusion sometime around the middle of April.
How can I be sure of any of this? Because Almighty Dave told me so, and I believe in Almighty Dave.
Prove it you say?
I don't have to, its up to you to prove I'm wrong :)
Besides, I'm pretty sure I heard Almighty Dave say that he's never wrong.
What can we do to prevent this?
Well, it wouldn't hurt to start sucking up to Almighty Dave now before he rains pretzels down upon us. Cheese sandwiches are another option.
Basically, I suggest you sit back and enjoy the view. Its not often we're lucky enough to see armageddon :)