Posted by sarah(Choked) on June 26, 2001 at 02:24:56:
In Reply to: What to do? posted by still distraught on June 25, 2001 at 14:09:28:
: After 3 sessions with a marriage counselor, I still don’t know what to do. My husband has admitted to being dishonest about several things. Most of them are related to $ and his whereabouts. After several discussions and threats of divorce, he has decided that he is happy with me and that he would be miserable without me. His reasoning for lying was that he wanted to “make things run smoothly”. He says he loves me and he is very affectionate, but I am having a hard time believing anything he says now. It is also hard to believe that he loves me because he has lied. The therapist told us that for the next two weeks, I am to let my guard down. This way, he will feel more relaxed to tell me things and I can then decide to stay or go. I still don’t know why he lied and I don’t feel that he is very healthy mentally. Funny…because in the beginning of our relationship, he seemed to have it all together. We are reading two books right now to help save our marriage. The books don’t really focus on dishonesty – except for that of affairs. I fear that he may have been unfaithful, though he said he has not. Based upon his behavior, it seems that he has. He has gone from being aloof and distant, to being critical to now being overly attentive. If someone has anything to offer, I’d really be grateful. Thanks.
Dear Still Distraught
if your husband has been lying to you long enough
and now he wants to be cured then i think it is still a hopeful case...As for his "now being overly attentive" with you that might be due to his feeling of guilt for having been dishonest or unfaithful to you. personally i advise you not to think too much about it nor try to know things that you may be happier if you ignore all about their existence!
As for your doubts concering everything he says now; you're right it's not that easy to trust someone who has once thwarted that trust but if he's conscious of the pain he's caused to you and really determined to get rid of his bad habit then why not give him another chance??
Good luck.
Sincerely