*****SURVEY
FORM BELOW *****
Lies People Tell
while
ONLINE
CREATING
THE
PERFECT
MAN
from:
Karen
"lies are not as
complicated as the truth."
I
must say that the above statement is true. But lies are a lot easier than the truth and to
this day I have not found the courage to tell someone the truth. Here is my story.
I got into chatting about 2 years ago and found it a great way to communicate since one is
totally open to say what one wants. I also discovered that it was fun to come into the
chat under a fake name and wrong gender. So I gave myself off as Cal this Romeo with sweet
words shaping a caring and thoughtful guy, the kind of guy that woman dream of. Well it
was easy I just took what would interest me and TA-DA: Mr.Perfect was created. That,
you might say, is not all to bad, since 50% if not more depict someone that they are not.
Unfortunately in my case I am still fooling someone after 2 years.
I strolled into the chatroom one afternoon and chatted up this girl, we talked and found
we had a lot in common and so a friendship had started. As you might have guessed it
didn't stay that way, for she totally fell in love with Cal. I would have too if I
wasn't the impostor myself.
So, I keep this up, chatting with her to find out every little detail of her life, and
making up a life that never existed. We exchanged love letters; she of cause wanted to see
what her Prince looked like so I sent her a picture of a friend of mine. I don't
want to bore you with all the details because many things happened where I should have
been honest...
All I want to say is that through a lie, I have shown myself a side of me I never thought
I had. How can I possible tell her the truth? So much time has past, would it
be harder for her to know the truth than live with a lie? What is right and what is wrong?
So many questions and no answers. What should I do?
Please CLICK "RESPOND" to let Karen know what
your experiences with online
lying have been like. Have you been an online liar, too? Or has someone lied
to you
online? Do you have some advice for her? Or, CLICK "RESPOND" to ask Karen to explain
more about what's going on with this situation. I think we all know it's far from
over.
Thats not very nice! telling poor young women lies like that. Shame on you Karen, if that's your real name! --- hershel
Put on a fake moustache, a 12" strap on dildo and nail her! --- David
Geez.
I don't know why, but every time I chat on net I keep a part of my personal information hidden and I think that is fine as long as its not nessecary(Actually is never nessecary at all, why tell everything to strangers) Lately I had a fight with a guy whom I thought was very kind ( Well he acted) just because he wanted me to give him a call and I refused. I was hurt but I am glad I blocked him completely.
About lies, well first of all don't trust anyone you talk on net completely. My invansion was as well a success but now I am all tangled up and don't know how to get off this mess created by myself. Anyway I also thought to kill this character in the end. But it won't be that easy. Any advice to that top letter will be help to me as well. Thank You --- Lost
Well interesting stories.. I must say. But I can't believe people falling in love with strangers just by communicating online. That sound to me like fairy tales. Anyway I never got involved with anyone on net. I made some nice friends, though. But I find it hard to trust any of them especially after reading real lies stories here and there on net. Nice Job Karen!! You are doing good job helping them out!... --- Eden
I met someone on the net and started talking to him, first just e-mails and then chatting.
then phone calls, then the rest.
we met personally.
but there was something that told me not to trust him. one day and with the help of a friend of mine I was able to check his e-mail account and I found many messages from other women.
he first denied it when I asked him If he ever e-mailed others. then he admitted having done that.
the truth is that I e-mailed every one of those girls and I asked them if they knew him.
only one replied to me and she was just a friend of him from college. but if she was a friend from college and saw him on college then why e-mailing him ?.
anyway, the truth is that he was never ready for anything in our relationship, and he´s still not.
I know I cannot trust him. but I love him. and love is stronger than everything. so I am between the wall and the sword. --- Beth
I think the lying is terrible. I'm pretty sure I met one in a chat room. But I have yet to learn the truth. Tell the woman you know the truth...let her move on..I am sure she has asked to meet you..how long are you going to put that off? Tell her the truth...let her heal on her own...but don't keep lying..you do more damage that you know. --- Janice
I think that you should kill off the character of Cal. You've already gone as far as creating a whole life for him, you may as well end it properly with a big, fat whale of a lie, like Cal's unfortunate demise. Here's an idea: If you regularly communicate with the girl, break it off for about a week, and then have a friend of yours (Cal's) email her with the sad news. Cal died in a car wreck. It's common, not alot of press, and above all believable.
Otherwise, my advise is to tell her the truth. Gently. And apologize alot.
Email me back, I would love hear more! --- Jezmund (a lie)
I had an experience where my relationship seemed like it was about to end and I began to flirt with someone over the net and I accidently lead them on. I felt rotten when they told me they were starting to get interested. My partner and I had reunited and I had to tell my e-mail friend about the whole thing. They never sent me another message. --- "Anon"
I like what you said but lieing is no good at all tell the truth for change then see how you fell ok. --- Paula
Karen-
I don't know which of you I feel worst for-your friend who will be hurt and betrayed by your lie, or you, for having to hurt-probably lose a friend-someone you've obviously come to care about. I know if someone I thought I loved turned out to be another gender, I'd have to do some serious soul-searching. The relationship would certainly change, but a deep connection would still be there, for me; hope she's as understanding :-) All you can do is tell the truth and hope for the best. Oh, and last thought: maybe she's not quite the person she wants YOU to believe. --- Heather
Dear Karen -- Some clever soul with too much time on his or her hands has taken to vandalizing the forms at www.liespeopletell.com -- sorry if any strange messages get directed your way. I sure do wish this person would be mature enough to send a message directly to chris@liespeopletell.com so that I can address what ever concerns them directly.
Yes, Karen -- this is a posted message directed more at the vandal than you --
Thanks,
Chris --- I'm Listening
casually ask her about her sexualy experiences, if they have been varied drop a hint about a 'friend' that would like to meet her.... & bobs your uncle you've scored then just kill off Cal job done .
next please
--- Stephen
Your Lie is so exquisite, how could a young lady resist your fictional creation? What is his name? Could you describe your body as this man? I mean, what do you feel as you imagine him feeling as a man feels in the male as the creation of a female body.
Tell her and accept whatever she says. The way that she reacts will tell you how to act towards her in the future --- Robert Poynton
Karen--you have been so very wrong. When I read your message I was feeling dejavu. I was lied to for 2 and a half years. I came to find out that the man i was in love with was in fact a woman, and a lesbian at that who was in love with me as well. It was not a 57 year old lesbian I was in love with, but a 20 year old very handsome and sweet man. I had even talked to this person on the phone--almost everyday for 2 and a half years. SHe had created a lie and an excuse for every question i might have. She also had sent me a picture of a friend. And how did I not know that I was talking to a woman and not a man? Well because MY prince had luekemia and his voice box was damaged when he had been tubed in the emergency room. Just give me the big STUPID award. The extent of her lies make me sick to think of them today..I for 2 and a half years was always worried and praying for this poor sick man, it seemed such shame that this wonderful and good person was so sick-- I would just cry sometimes.
And she really went into detail about the illness....The woman had to be psychotic to create such a finely spun web of lies that kept me in turmoil. She/HE (it) was very possesive of me and had controled my life from across the country. Its all so sick, i hate her with all my being. I know for me she has emotionally scarred me, and the whole ordeal really took a toll on my own self confidence and self worth. How could I be so stupid, how could I not know. Its all very humiliting to me to this day, for I had made this phony a part of my life, and my freinds and family had known of my love for this person, so what do you tell them when they ask how so and so is. Say well..ya see i'm just an idiot...he was really a she *LOL* and he was never sick and it was all a big fat lie and I fell for it hook line and sinker cause thats the kind of no-brain fool I am. It was always my policy to give everyone the benefit of the doubt....innocent until proven guilty. I hated a society where you could trust no one and didnt want to live that way...sadly enough I am not so trusting anymore. I was hurt deeper than anyone will ever know or imagine,a nd there are still days when i just cannot help but cry, because I really do still love the man I talked to for 2 years, and I miss him..and all he was was a fantacy---My life was a sick cruel game to a very twisted person. I hope that she never forgets what she did -- that my memory and the knowlege of how she crushed me haunts her forever. She claims to have loved me deeply--thats is not love--no way no shape no how. --- "Anon"
I am so happy to find a place where other people are talking about how much we lie over the internet in chats and e-mails. I believe that the anonyminity (sp -- oops) that the internet provides brings out everyone's trickster nature. People who would never think of playing jokes on people in person play jokes and lie to people all the time. And what about butt-heads that use the internet to flame and criticize people? I know of cowards out there who can really claim that they are authorities about something and be critical as all get out but when you actually meet them they are nothing but sniveling little baby punks who don't really know what they are talking about and that is why they have to use e-mail to make their criticisms. Anyway, I know this site is about lies, so I will try to stick to the topic but I just want to say how great it is that people are using the internet to talk about how dangerous the internet can be. THANKS! --- Hector
Karen,
I can tell you about my own personal experience, and you can add this info to everything else and make what you will of it.
I too pretended to be a 'perfect man'. But I didn't set out to fool anyone. I was using a unisex name and avatar in a chatroom and this flirty woman assumed I was a man and started chatting me up. At first I was amused that she had mistaken me for a man and I went along with it. But, as these things go, our relationship eventually got 'deeper' for her. I led her on much too long, and when I cared enough about her that I had to finally be honest with her ... the shit hit the fan in a major way!
!!!!!!! SHE DID NOT BELIEVE ME !!!!!!!
She went through all the steps. Anger, denial, depression, rejection, and finally ended up begging me to stop lying to her and admit I really was 'Ken', and that I'd only told her these things to get out of having to get down right serious with her.
Sheesh ... it was a nightmare. I felt worse having had told her the truth, so I told her she was right and it had been all a lie because I was afraid of commitment.
I eventually, and gradually, broke off with her. Which is what I should have done in the first place.
So my vote is: Don't tell her the truth. Unless you're prepared to face the wrath of a thousand demons just released from a millenium of hellish imprisonment. --- Catnip
What is the big deal? I mean, sure, you like her and everything but who really cares what she believes? How about this: you call her as your lovely female self and you tell her that your brother Cal has died -- then you start a new friendship as yourself. Pretty clever, huh? --- "Anon"
Karen, Hello, personally, I can understand your situation. However, I do not think it is nice to play with someones heart as long as you did. Some people really take these "so" called relationships serious. You should tell her the truth. Because she will be the one ultimately getting hurt in the end. --- Amy
Karen,
Hellol your story really interest me. Could you please elaborate on the details of your story. What happened? Did you end up telling this person the truth? Also, did you end up having feelings for this person? How on earth did you two not talk on the phone? I'm just curious. Because I've heard of lies; however, never heard of them lasting so long. Do you feel guilty? Please respond as soon as possible. thanks a lot --- Scott
You know what? People get really bent out of shape about this stuff, Karen. Listen, I'm not thrashing on you. I think the impulse to create personas on the net is perfectly natural. I've done it myself -- just not to the extent that you take it. All I did was act like myself -- except that I never mentioned I was married. Well, Cynthia found out about it one day when I mentioned it and she just blew her stack. I hadn't really even flirted that much. It was weird. Anyway, best of luck with your situation. Let us know how it works out. --- Jason
test --- test
Karen's
Replies
Hi all, I am amazed that people are still posting comments on the webpage. Haven't looked at this in ages, really surprised.
Well just to update you all on the situation.
It has basically taken care of itself, we stoped e-mailing beginning of the year. Besides I havn't got the foggiest as to my password to the mailbox, so couldn't check anyway.
This has all faded away to a silly prank I got myself into, I have no guilt feelings anymore. This was stupid and I did cause some damage, but in the end we all do stupid things once in a while and simply have to learn from this.
I have learned to be honest about myself and understand the implications of my actions...
As for her I suppose she has taken to the real world and focusing on issues closer to her.
This lie gone from inferno to smoke cloud, glad that TIME can make things clearer...
Thank you all for your comments, positive and negative, was very interesting.
*Chris I suppose you can keep the page up, but I will not be posting anymore answers in future*
Thank you for giving me this opportunity, this is a great webpage with real issues.
Cheers
Karen --- "Anon"
Earth to Stephan
HUH??? What kind of a solution is that.........
I don't quite get what you mean.......sorry --- "Anon"
Hi Robert
Exquisite, nice word, but I hardly find that appropriate. It is a lie with no exciting bits. There was no cybering no dirty talk- nothing in that nature. It was an exchange of ideas, hopes and dreams….it was a simple friendship that changed because Cal (his name) was the nicest guy she had ever "meet". In truth it's actually, as woman to fool another woman, the simplest thing on earth. Unlike most men , woman don't just hit off with "What do you look like and do you have a pic and how about sucking my d**k babe". So your question about describing my body as this man….sorry I don't have a description cause I never thought about it, that is a typical male question and you are talking to a woman. Such thoughts never crossed my mind.
I will tell her, since she is keeping contact with me, if she would have just disappear I suppose I would have let her be with this thought of having known some guy. The truth is the best policy…..I only wish I would have believed that from the beginning, then this would never have happened.
--- Karen
Hello Anon
Well, reading through your story it's easy to see how this person fooled you around. She in fact not only fooled you but also to this day has you talking about a 20 year old guy, who doesn't exist. You say that you talked to "him", so actually to her..and you didn't have the foggiest idea that you where talking to a woman?!?!
Nobody would give you a big STUPID award….you simple didn't want to see anything other than what you wanted to…..only question I have is…"Why didn't you try and meet him, if you loved this person and knew "he" is sick? I know I would do all to be with this person, no matter how hard they pushed me away. Even when this person says no don't come……there is always a way. You could have saved yourself a lot of pain if you would have pushed the meeting part. She would have proberly cut the connection just as it started.
What this woman did telling about him dying etc. is really extreme , no idea why she would want to do that, after all if she "dies" what has she gained---- if she loved you then I suppose she would have wanted to tell you the truth and not make things worse by making the story more complicated. Perhaps you just stumbled on the one bad apple .
You say that you are scarred by this……DON'T let it…..she lied to you and made you believe in a lie but in the end what was it !?!? It was a friendship with trust and emotional exchange, but those things happen in person too and those things also get abused in person too…so what is the difference of your suffering to a girl/guy who gets the same but in person? Simple, internet might be a medium where you can get really close to someone but it is not possible to BOND as one does by meeting etc. What you felt and what so many feel is not love, it's the possibility of building something special up that makes you believe it is love……..but love is a lot more that chatting everyday and talking on the phone….love involves a lot more, which is only possible in person. So be glad you didn't get hurt by meeting this person.
You need to look back at this as something that happens everyday, you are not the only one and you shouldn't change your whole lives policy just because someone managed to misuse your trust etc. Hurt is part of life and being misused happens too everyday….BUT letting it be part of your life and letting it change you as a person is not only sad but also self-inflicted pain which you are inflicting on yourself….
To the part where you say that you hope that she never forgets it….well I doubt she ever will, just like all the others who play such games….. I seriously doubt that all who have done this ever intended to get sucked in so deep.
--- "Anon"
Dear Anon
I have read your comment and will answer ASAP. I have unfortunatly not much time at the moment and want to give you a proper answer and ofcause my own comments. All that I can say now is that I am truly sorry to hear about what happend to you. To the point of saying that someone is dying is more than a prank, and this does not apply to my situation.
Regards
Karen --- "Anon"
Hey Hector
Thanks for your comment!!!
So do you have any Skeletons in your closet? --- "Anon"
Hi Catnip
Thank you for the story and advice, I have thought about your situation and have gained a bit of a different view.
I suppose that could happen to me too and besides she and I haven't had any contact for over 4 weeks. So I figure I will do the same as you by breaking off contact slowly.
Only thing and yes it is a selfish thought, I will always feel guilty for not having told her the truth….so I guess time will be the judge of what I will do.
Ciao
--- Karen
Hello "Anon"
Wow I could hardly believe my eyes when I red your response to my story. I don't think you see the big picture here. We are talking about a person's feelings here and not just some object. How can you possibly suggest that I call and tell her that Cal has died, she would be very hurt and distressed. I don't think you have ever started a friendship on the web, it's exactly the same as a person you meet in person you can't just go and tell them that a really good friend has died and that is that....
Your suggestion if far from clever...I sure hope you don't practice what you preach.
--- Karen
Hi Jason,
Glad to hear that you are not trashing on me....LOL...well wouldn't that be ironic. Getting trashed from a fellow online liar. Yes there are many shades of gray but in truth they are all GRAY. I know what you are saying ,eg shoplifting is not as bad as murder. But lets look at it this way , you acted as you are and I acted as someone I am not. Confusing I know...ok lets try it this way, Have you ever done or said something and thought "OHHH god did I just DO or SAY that. That is kind of my situation I never wanted to get in this deep, I never wanted to manipulate someone but yet I did. Its as if something took hold of my body and made me do it, that thing was loneliness and anger of being lonly and wnating someone to feel the same. If I would have been totaly sane at that time I would never have done that.
I am now in a really fantastic relationship and couldn't be happier, now something else has gotten a hold of me and that is to help people who also have gotten and still are in a lie world trying to escape the harsh realities that they live.
I see what you did more like a escape from being knotted to someone and not a single who can flirt and have fun like earlier. Yours is more of a escape from marriage and that done intentionally. But at least you were honest and admitted it...Well done
--- Karen
Hi Jason
I haven't forgotten about you...actually I wrote a mail but saved it on a disk and guess what?!, I can't find it, but the editor of the lies page will paste in my reply soon.
--- karen
Hi Scott
Well I still have all her e-mails she send me and I will perhaps take out bits or rewrite in general about some stuff, but I will obviously not publish the actual e-mails.
Well to elaborate a bit, we met one evening (early January ) while I was in this chatroom. She walked into the chat saying something about knocking over some friend and I replied " Hey watch it you nearly knocked over my coffee". So that's how we started to talk, we sat together in this virtual coffee bar chatting all night about a whole lot of stuff. I described myself as blond blue eyed and she happened to totally like blondes, also the fact that I am Swiss made me a interesting partner to talk to as she had never been to Europe etc. She told me a whole lot of stuff about her family and I told her how crappy my family is and as you might have guessed she was the caring type who listened and understood. So we parted as friends and promised to met the next day...........OK that is enough for now I will write some more about what happened. Actually I plan to add a new bit of what happened every week. .well I will try.....so stay tuned.
Now about whether I have met her ..NO I haven't
Yes I did start to have feelings for her, she has become a really close friend although the last couple of months we haven't had so much contact, but that is another part of the story that I will reveal a bit later.
About the phone bit...god that was tough, cause she did ask if we could talk and I came up with the story that I was moving and also wasn't ready to talk to her on the phone..etc....then when it became even tougher i let her call and I just didn't have the guts to pick up and put on some voice......then something happened with her and i really thought this is the time point to tell her the truth and support her...but as you might have guessed i just couldn't so one evening i asked my brother ( he had know about this) if he could please talk to her and perhaps see how she is doing, so she called him of cause wanting to talk to me but my brother told her that a emergence had come up and i needed to go somewhere.
I must point out that after I received the photo and letter I started to push her away with stuff like that I wasn't ready for a relationship etc....but she wouldn't give up and I didn't have the guts to tell her the truth, I suppose I was hoping for her to get feed up with me and just tell me to get lost......but the opposite happened.....yea yea that backfired .
Am I feeling guilty....DAM yes of cause I might be a idiot and have done something I shouldn't have but guilt has been following me around like a bad cold.
Ohh well I ought to get back to work....
Thanks for your mail
--- Karen
Hi Amy
Yes I know it is wrong to have done what I did and I truly regret my actions. About her falling in love with Cal well I suppose I could have stoped then but she had just come out of a bad relationship and I thought it would hurt her if I suddenly broke of contact...yea sounds dumb now but back then I thought it to be logical and I played along. I have been debating about the telling her the truth a long time ago..actually when she send me her photo I thought "dam Karen you can't go on lying like this, its wrong and you aught to just tell her now"..... that was after I knew her for 4 months. I know I will eventually tell her the truth but I just can't seem to find the appropriate words...I mean should I just go and tell her right out or perhaps a bit more slowly....you tell me.....
Thanks for your comments......
