As a 13-14 year old in Glasgow,  I, and 3 companions, went through a phase of attempting to be burglars.   Our first daring raid was on a garage containing evey concievable size of Tupperware container.   We came away with about 26 containers!  In our post burglary euphoria we even argued, almost to the point of fisticuffs over that age old burglars argument: WHO GETS WHAT?

It sounds so simple when it's presented like that, but, believe me, Tupperware that's been stolen looks a lot like gold.  Well, it does in torchlight, especially when the torch can't be held still for excitement!

Before you could say 'Don't Be Idiots' we were climbing in the open window of the local railway station's office a week later.  This time we knew we had hit BIG.  The torch light swam round the room and: W-O-W.. this room had a SAFE in it!  Just like we had seen in the movies, 3 to the left, 6 to the right and... PAYDIRT!  Except that the noise outside, no it's not outside it's, hang on, someone is coming into the office.  We look at each other and realise the night watchman has been at the pub next door and has come back to work for a wee sleep. The light comes on in the room and this elderly, rotund gentleman in a filthy brown coat enters and stands for what seems like ages, bent over peering at this watch he has on a chain.  Eventually he works out what time it is and looks up.  The 4 of us are all standing, frozen still and petrified, in the middle of his precious office floor.

         "What the screeming sweet Jeeyasus do you think you're doing in here?" he says.  And, for reasons known only to a part of my brain that I have never heard from since,   I   blurted out probably the most preposterous lie I have ever told in my life..

             "MY DOG JUMPED IN THE WINDOW !" I said.

             Surely somewhere in the creme de la creme of most preposterous excuses by a petrified teenage burglar ever!